Texts on lockdown life (4/5)

Texts on lockdown life (4/5)

Dear lockdown 2,

So how’s you today? I wrote another letter today… I hope you’re not jealous… I’ll let you know how the receiver likes it when it arrives.. ha I need luck for this to end up well I feel, but then.. it’s not like I’ve not done this before and last time it was very effective indeed… effective.. I learned the Italian equivalent of this word today … efficace. Are you learning another language? Probs not … I mean, why would you, on some level everyone speaks your bloody language anyway don’t they.

Actually … that’s something I was wondering about .. might be a bit of an intimate question .. but , what’s your gender? I mean, in German all words and things have a gender.. or a neutral gender, which isn’t a gender really .. but you know what I mean. In German you’re male..it’s odd, how do Germans choose what gender they give their foreign words? Is there a logic? I wouldn’t think so and .. I don’t know if you know .. but German doesn’t follow a lot of rules.. maybe that’s why Germans follow rules.. because their language doesn’t.

Anyway, writing this letter today helped greatly and doing things I don’t always do ( like listening to UK Garage yay) .. it’s a good piece of advice indeed, and getting back in touch with the things that once helped one. In the past, when I was still very unhappy in Berlin ( unhappy in Berlin? you ask … yeah I know it sounds impossible.. but let’s say it that way … when you don’t like yourself not even having Berlin around you makes things better) what helped me always was cooking. It was the one time when I was in control of things…. so I cooked up a storm for my back-then-boyfriend and the horror of a flatmate that we used to have.

I’d totally forgotten how important cooking is for my mental health… not eating is so much fun. But in a general sense I’d say that the joy I get from not eating isn’t as good in the long run as the joy i get from cooking myself something nice. What do you eat when you’re hungry? You don’t eat food do you .. you eat sooouuullllsssss. Like an evil ghost. You eat happiness and confidence, you eat the future of people and their love. I guess you’re hungrier than your brother then now. When your brother came round the corner we were all much happier and there was more to eat for him. But for you? Dear me we’re all depressed and trashed already haha. Poor you … or not poor you. At least you won’t get fat this way.

I’ve now got an extra two Italian books and I’m determined to envision a brighter future. I read that goal setting works well when one envisions the results one is working towards, so yeah I can see it. In this future you’re not there anymore though, I’m very sorry …. or am I? I was gonna say it’s ok to say things to you that I don’t mean because you’re English and you’re used to that … but then.. no you’re not , you’re international, you’re global.

Today I messaged an Italian acquaintance of mine… in Italian, so I get to use it and I asked her how she’s doing. She’s lost her job in Verona and has to move back to first London ( noooooo) and then to Holland… I mean, dear me, have you even got any idea what you’re doing to us all? But then … Your evil aunt Corona is doing stuff that’s even worse to us… do you hate her as much as I do? I wouldn’t think so … it’s only because of her that I’m even speaking to you.

What I really wanted to talk about though i this lovely other self imposed challenge I set myself before you came round … and actually the more I think about it, the more I think I could keep doing it despite you, because it really was a lot of fun.

Well… this letter is long enough already isn’t it … so I’ll tell you in the next one … you’re busy eating happiness anyway. Not mine today though grrrr

Bye den, until tomorrow morning

letter 3

Leave a Reply